Thursday, March 26, 2009

sadness ... happiness

Sitting at home crying ...
for no reason in particular, just crying.
I guess it's my way of getting out my
frustrations and aggrevations.
I'm sure that I think more than I should
to be completely healthy.
My mind runs free in the shadows -
frolicking in the darkness of my being.
I live in my own world -
I'm best at pursuing happiness there.
I wish that I could stay there when times
get rough, but my hopes are dashed by reality.
My happiness comes crashing down around me
like a blanket of flames breathing the oxygen of my soul ...
draining me of all my worth and ambitions -
bringing me back to living every hour
like it's my first ...
so naive and innocent about everything.
Life, love and the pursuit of happiness
are the hardest things for me to find in
this place called reality-
that's why I dream and go to that other world -
There is the place where I'm the leader,
the boss, the goddess, the actress and the musician
that I long to be here.

Smiles,
Angie

4 comments:

  1. To quote OTH "My mom says that sometimes you have to cry to make room for a heart full of smiles."

    Sometimes random crying is helpful. I'm sorry you were upset and that reality can't be more like life in your mind but I know that you will be great at whatever you face in life. Things will get better, and until you have a whole support system backing you.

    Hoping for a better day tomorrow,
    Kim

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  2. your words are sad but beautiful, Angie. You have a way with them.

    Sometimes getting it all down helps a lot, I hope it did for you.

    *hug* hope tomorrow is better!

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  3. wow, that was truly beautiful. i'm so sorry for all the pain in your heart. i know that things will turn around for you. you are such an awesome person with an amazing spirit and a caring soul-like Kim said, don't be afraid to shed some tears- we all need a good cry now and again. we're all here for you if you need us. :)

    -Becca

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  4. Hey you..
    This Poem is for you...Yesterday I Cried

    I came home, went straight to my room,sat on the edge of my bed,kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,and I had myself a good cry.
    I'm telling you,I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
    I cried until my ears were hot.
    I cried until my head was hurting so bad
    that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.

    I want you to understand,I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

    Yesterday, I cried,for all the days that I was too busy,or too tired, or too mad to cry.

    I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
    and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself, only to have it reflected back to me
    in the ways others did to me the same things I had already done to myself.

    I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;for all the things I had asked for that thad yet to show up; for all the things I had accomplished,only to give them away, to people in circumstances,which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.

    I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.

    Yesterday, I cried.
    I cried because little boys get left by their daddies; and little girls get forgotten by their mommies; and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave; and mommies get left, so they get mad.

    I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a little girl,and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do, and because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until I ached.

    Yesterday, I cried.
    I cried because I hurt.
    I cried because I was hurt.
    I cried because hurt has no place to go except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,and when it gets there,the hurt wakes you up.

    I cried because it was too late.
    I cried because it was time.

    I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
    that my soul knew everything I needed to know.

    I cried a soulful cry yesterday,and it felt so good.

    It felt so very, very bad.

    In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming, Because Yesterday, I cried with an agenda.
    (Iyanla Vanzant,from her book Yesterday I Cried:Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving)

    ReplyDelete